How many times have you said this? But how many times have you told the truth?
Today, 15 March is the international day against eating disorders. During the covid emergency, I’ve fallen into this horrible black hole that seems never to have an end except to die. I’m here to tell my story because everyone knows the meanings of the word “eating disorders”, but maybe, as it happens to me we think that it’s something really far from us, something that could never happen to us… but it happens, and falling into the hall is really simple, but hanging out from it, it’s the most challenging thing that you’ve ever done. I hope that with this article I can help someone that is in the same situation I was in.
I’m a simple girl, a teenager like others, and like everyone I’ve imperfections. Since I was a child, I’ve always been judged from my external aspect. In my childhood I really liked sweets, and I used to eat them continuously. I used to follow a dancing course, I really liked dance, it cheers me up and there I have found good people that appreciate me for what I was. One day my dancing teacher told me I was too fat, that I have to lose weight, she offend me with bad expressions in front of everyone, everyone laugh at me and watched me in bad ways agreeing with her… I was only 8 years old, I’ve never been a self-confident person, but before I just don’t care about people’s views. Suffice to say that since that moment I radical changed, at the beginning I did a diet and I achieved a normal weight, but insecurities about my body continued to be and to block my life. 2 years ago when the pandemic begins, I was heartbroken and I started seeing everything as dark. I always see advertisements on the web for a 1000 kcal diet, and so one day I decided to start following it … I would never have imagined what it happens after… it’s almost two years since I suffer from nervous anorexia. Who suffers from it doesn’t just stop eating, it’s a lot more complicated… Suffering from anorexia means continuous anxiety about food, gaining weight, or having bigger thighs or bellies. Having anorexia means staying hours in the supermarket or on the web watching high calories food that you will never going to eat, have anorexia means training yourself for hours and hours just because you have eaten an additional food that you shouldn’t have eaten.. have anorexia means counting calories, stop going out with your friend just beacons you can’t eat so many calories..have anorexia means compared what you eat with others and try to do your best to eat less..have anorexia means losing the control of your body, of your feelings, of your mind. You aren’t who you really are, you are controlled like a machine going to failure. In the beginning, you just don’t pay much attention, but with the passing of time, you are going to hide your pain from everyone saying “ I’m ok, I just don’t have hunger’, and again, and again… crying in the bathroom because you gained 100 g and continuously reduced servings, even if you collapsed and you can’t stand on the sidelines. I won’t say that hanging out from an eating disorder it’s easy because it’s everything except this… but if you are in this situation or you see someone of your friends doing something similar please talk… talk to your mom, a friend, whoever you want. But talk… only talking you could be able to exit from this horrible vicious circle. Nowadays there are almost 3 million people in Italy that suffer from it, and with the continuous idea of the perfect body that social media gives us, this number would continue to grow. We aren’t a number or a size, we are people, we are beautiful for how we are, and nobody is perfect. Food is fuel, and we deserve it even if we haven’t done anything today, even if yesterday we have eaten too much, and even if we have gained weight. We need it to live and to be happy, for us and for all of the people we love. Perfection doesn’t exist, it is just a stereotype. You have to remember that you are enough, just the way you are. We are who we are and we have to accept and appreciate ourselves for how we are… because we are all beautiful with our differences!
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